cream_and_custard

I truly do not believe that off the rack clothing can be worn by women with any curves. It's only meant for men, skinny women, and children. I feel like I haven't been able to be comfortable in most clothing for most of my life now, because my body is to varied for anything pre-made to fit me. It makes me feel alien, it's so sad. I wish I could have ALL my clothing bespoke, even if it meant only owning 1 or 2 things. :-(

It's cursed. I wish they made clothing for women with boobs.

I don't understand how no one feels as sad I do about this...

So boring here.

Found some random site hopping around and am currently reading het pokemon porn (a fandom I am not part of) big chilling. This feels like what I assume the old web experience was

Just watched episode 10 of the good place DAMN. It's so fucking goood.

Okay, this is a weird connection I guess, but you can't be okay with people being gender non-conforming with clothing, and then be mad at people for wearing kids clothing, even if they're doing is sexually.

The logic is clearly that it's all just meaningless fabric right? It's just fabric. It's only kids clothes because we say it is, in the same way a skirt is only women's clothes because we say it is.

I just got down and did like, 8 push-ups with only a few second break in between each. I couldn't even do proper push-ups like a year ago. The momentum just keeps building. It took a very long and un-motivating time of barely being able to do knee push-ups.

If you don't think you can build strength, you absolutely can. My perception has been skewed to believe that If you can't do a push-up, there's no way you'll be able to. I didn't think there was an "in" if you didn't already have the muscles developed.

The key is finding modified versions of whatever you're trying to learn. Even if you can't do knee push-ups, there are easier versions.


I've gained muscle and it makes me so happy GENUINELY. It's like watching numbers go up in a game if you keep to it. Next, I'm gonna work on hanging and pull-ups! 💪💗

I think the thing that has caused me to view porn and porn use differently from others is that I've always had a strong interest in sexuality but not always an interest in live action porn.

I've rarely been able to empathize with people who say they've been "traumatized" by porn exposure and am still skeptical of the phrasing but I think I can understand. I had years, starting in late elementary school, of reading health books, videos on alternative sexuality and bdsm, and having a parent that let me check out books on kissing and dating and whatever from the library.

I would watch a few pervy anime, and read lots of porn but that was paralleled with increasing education. I would see some nudes, and look at sex toys, but most pictures of irl people grossed me out. I knew that and stayed away from it. I'm not the type of person that will get entranced in stuff that scares or disturbs me.

Not all kids are gonna come around to being interested in these things at the same time and some of the adult stuff I touched I think, alot of people would not be interested in learning about even into adulthood. I can imagine like, an 11 year old getting into a porn and not being grossed out by it like me but not having the parallel education I had and not having the other not as "in your face" types of stuff preceding it like with me.

I've also been looking back on this discourse with the eyes of a person with a decade of learning about sexuality. I think many people who claim to be traumatized did not have this education even close after.

So now I have empathy, and I still think sex ed, and not just the most basics of anatomy need to be as accessible as humanly possible.

If all was right and just in the world, everyone online would be talking about how great Onimai is.

I'm basically ghosting my job right now. I'm thinking of going in and just saying BYE, giving back my vest or whatever without any two weeks.

I don't care that that means that I can't put them on my resume anymore, because I got a job without a job before and my anxiety is over riding my ability to care. I don't want to be there and so I won't. I don't want to work another two weeks, I've hit an emotional brick wall where I am unable to deal with them anymore. It's not just the work itself, it's that I've now been absent for multiple days without calling out that burdens my head. I really don't want to go back.

I'm happy it lasted this long and I got quite a bit of money. It's sad that most places aren't paying that much. But I got a nice chunk of money for myself at least.

I knew this would happen. I don't have to go there, and so once I can't stand it, I just dip. I feel really sick and sad and scared. I really hate how things are.

It's not just the job. I think huge chunks of what compose my life are unfit for humans. I'm really sad.